In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since, then, neither God nor man has rested! Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage. Although recent figures (McCrindle Research, 2015) have shown that the divorce rate has declined slightly in Australia over the past decade, the stats still indicate that 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce. Divorce continues to be a pervasive feature of Australian social life and with it, come major social, emotional and financial implications. Co-parenting, re-partnering and the formation of step and blended families (with its accompanying complexity of family and household arrangements) contribute to the diversity (and often difficulty) of family and household forms in Australia. Furthermore, the Australian Bureau of Statistics also states that in 2014, divorces involving children represented 47% of all divorces granted. That means that nearly half of the country’s children who initially reside in married households, will need to face the emotional and practical repercussions of divorce. Sadly, the parental divorce itself becomes the most consistent family background risk factor for the children’s marital breakdowns in the future: an intergenerational transmission of divorce. A longitudinal Australian study (Burns & Dunlop, 2000) found that children of divorced parents had more behavioural problems than children of intact families, which in turn adversely impacted the quality of their intimate relationships a decade later. Based on their intensive study of marriages, John and Julie Gottman conclude that emotionally intelligent marriages are those where there is shared meaning, where inevitable conflicts are kept in their place and where positive sentiments override the negative ones on a daily basis. It has been said that marriages often die by ice rather than fire. Positive sentiments (with understanding, honour, respect, humour and affection) limits the physical symptoms of stress, anxiety and depression as well as poor health/immunity (for the couple and their children). Australia is a diverse nation and it has also been argued that a higher rate of divorce in cross-ethnic marriages is most likely due to the cultural differences between husband and wife in their expectations of the institution of marriage and how those differences are to be negotiated. Recognising the warning signs and equipping oneself with the tools necessary to create functional relationships at home, is the responsibility, privilege and learned capability of every married person. I believe it! If this is your desire but you’re struggling to get there, ask for help! It is an honour to partner with spouses in their continued service to the health and wellbeing of their marriages and homes.
